If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
