I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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