I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
