Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
