i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I know her cup size but not her name....
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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