I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
