Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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