Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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