thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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