dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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