I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
