He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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