guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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