At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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