I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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