i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
