Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
