chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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