Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
