Define "chronic" masturbator.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
