Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I am naked and annoyed.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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