opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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