Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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