And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
