It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
The struggles of a small town man whore
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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