I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
