I feel like abortions should bother me more
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
