But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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