Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
