Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
