You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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