you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
