i think my mom watched the whole time
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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