seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
