Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
