I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
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