I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
