No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
a search helicopter?!
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
