Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
