He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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