I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
