She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
