you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
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