Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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