There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
