Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
