Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
