He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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