i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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