Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
