You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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