I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
she told me i tasted like america
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
