I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
