i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
