I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
