Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Randomize
