Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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