Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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